So, a couple of months ago we made the decision that we were done having babies. With that decision came a lot of sadness. But also came a new found permission, one I hadn't really thought about.
Permission to take my body back. For the last few years it didn't belong to me. It belonged to them.
They needed me more than I needed to fit into a size 10 jean.
I've lost 20 pounds in 12 weeks and I kind of want to shout it from the rooftops.
Something finally clicked and I just did it. No big build up, announcing it on facebook, or taking dreaded "before" pictures, it was like a random Tuesday at 2:00 in the afternoon back in Feburary and I said "Hey, I don't want to be fat anymore, and I want my family to be healthy, starting right now"
And then I did what I never in a million years thought I would do. I started running.
I'm a very observant person and I'm able to process really basic information and turn it into a plan. Here was my grand observation:
Fat people don't run.
I've never ever seen a heavy person just strap on their shoes and hit the pavement.
But skinny people? They run, like the freaking wind. It's like they have some kind of super force we don't. I see them up and down the sidewalks on my way to Taco Bell and posting their runs on social media. I was so jealous of their devotion and commitment to doing something so horrible, awful, and boring. Hot weather, cold weather, rain sleet or shine them skinny people were running!
Skinny people run, fat people don't. Know why? Because it's HARD. Physically and Mentally it's the single hardest workout I've ever done.
But Holy Crap, it works.
There is no cheating with running. But you can cheat in almost every other exercise and diet plan out there. Oh yeah, I've been the girl in the back row of aerobics class barely going through the moves, pretending to tie my shoe for the 3rd time. I've been the girl who forgot to add that fudge brownie to her weight watchers diet log. But when you put on your running shoes, however far you go, you still gotta run back ;)
Running is also very humbling, you don't realize how truly out of shape you are until you try running. Folks, I had things jiggling in places I didn't know could jiggle. 20 pounds down and I still hide on treadmills or backstreets in a hat and sunglasses praying no one recognizes me.
Here is my inner dialogue of every single run I start:
"This is the stupidest thing you've ever done…. this sucks…. just walk….go to McDonalds….. is that a side cramp…. you should take a break….. I think my shoelace is too loose…. I think I left the oven on….is that squirrel hurt... oh look something shiny…"
My mind goes a mile a minute. Begging, pleading, with me to stop. It is a never ended struggle but I always win. I just remember. My body can do the work, I have to make my mind catch up. I have to tell the fat girl inside me to shut the hell up.
My first run ever I only made it .30 miles before I had to walk and I wanted to give up right then. Building up to being a good runner is a slow process. I'm still not good at it, I'm probably the worst long distance runner is history. I still take walking breaks. But at least I'm doing it.
(These photos were taken at my first 5K that was cancelled because of rain - boo!) I was only down about 9 pounds down at this point so these don't show any weight loss, they just prove that I actually tried to run a race.)
My hubby has been losing weight too. He has lost 45 pounds and I am so proud of him, and us.
We both have further to go.
When I hit 30 pounds maybe I'll do some after photos. But my final goal is to lose 35. I know 35 pounds may not sound like much but I'm only 5 feet tall so it's a pretty significant amount for us who are "snookie size" - even if I lose the full 35 every Doctor chart in America will still consider me overweight and I'm fine with that. Besides, I can do "chubby", chubby is a-okay in my book.
In closing I want to say, like most moms. I let myself go, I took care of my kids and my family and I was the lowest priority on the totem pole.
And looking back I am totally okay with that. They needed me.
So if you're deep in those mommy trenches now, with a new baby, or an infant, and maybe more kids in your future. If you're bulldozing through sleepless nights, and long mornings, trying to make it out of the house without food in your hair, and wearing the same yoga pants 3 days in a row. Do me a favor and rock it honey. Take care of dem' babies. Your time is coming. Your skinny jeans will still be waiting for you in a few months or years.
And if you're not in those trenches, and like me, your children are becoming more and more self sufficient and you're not happy with the way you look, what the hell are you waiting for? The best gift you can give your children, is to take care of their mommy. Now go do it.
I did follow a very specific diet plan, I've got some information and tips that really helped me along the way and I will start working on a blog with all of that information in the next few weeks. Maybe by then I'll hit my 30 pound mark ;)
20 pounds down! Whoooo hooooo. Go me!